True to Nature

It took a while but I've found that I am more comfortable and unapologetic about being natural. And the more comfortable i get the more "fuzz" i allow in my hairstyling. For example today I did a twist out that, due to the fact that i was late getting ready for bed last night and rushed through the twisting, is not as smooth and orderly as it has been in the past. But looking at it in the mirror all i could think was how obvious it is that I'm a NATURAL girl and not just a girl with a roller set who may have sweated out her perm a little. The extra fuzz has also made my hair bigger which is VERY much to my liking. (Still on the quest for huge hair.) Point being is that the curls I chased and envied used to be those smooth ringlets or gentle slightly latina-ish waves. Or big orderly pin up girls waves. I wanted my natural hair to be...not so...black.

Thank the sweet lord I've outgrown that! It's taken some time for me to come to terms with what MY hair is like and what MY hair can achieve. This new knowledge is also helpful in dealing with my daughter's hair. She has thick, gorgeous, almost sandy brown and tightly wound coils. The products that work on my thinner (boo!) looser curls do not work on hers. I achieve with a twist out the same results as I get when I BRAID out her hair. My hair soaks up product until it's full and then it becomes shiny, greasy and limp. Her hair soaks up product until it becomes dull and spongy. We share genes but..uh..TIME...has altered my hair. But now that I've REALLY accepted my most natural of natural hair I'm a better example to her. How could I expect her to love her hair when I would get frustrated that my twist out made my hair turn out like hers.

I had to tell myself "Shame on you mommy! Get over yourself and your narrow-minded perception of what pretty curls look like! You might as well just go back to relaxers if you're not going to love them as they are! Reality check. Our FUZZY, natural curls are beautiful too!" Now she's no longer afraid or embarrassed to go to school with her slightly shrunken wash-n-go. Her ponytails and blow outs don't need to "hang down". She takes great pleasure in telling the straight haired girls in class that her hair can do LOTS of different things and theirs can't. She can have straight hair if she wants to, and the next day maybe curly and then ponytails and then braids. I'm so proud of my baby's self-pride. (I think it's easier to rein in an inflated ego than it is to build up a shrinking violet.) And I'm proud of myself for conquering my 30 some odd years of brainwashing to become comfortable enough in my own skin and hair to make sure that she does the same.

VIVA LOS NAPS!!